Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
