i permit you to call me
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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