He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Is her dick bigger than yours?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
