Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
