Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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