The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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