i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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