Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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