I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
