To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I need moral support for this bender
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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