saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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