hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I am spending my child support on dildos
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
