my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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