Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
