ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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