and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
