never play flip cup with pint glasses
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
