just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
