shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
