You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
