I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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