i permit you to call me
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
