opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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