I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize