Well douche your snatch and let's go!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
