Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
