So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
