and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
