It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
