Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
