he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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