6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
