You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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