Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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