3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
