see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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