It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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