We won't sleep together?
You're so nebulous sometimes
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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