It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She's the barista slut.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
