He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
