He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
