WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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