Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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