Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize