Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
