At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
