I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
