I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
