Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
