I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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