just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
