Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
