What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
