Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
