This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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