Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
