Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
