youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
