and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
