I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
