I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
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