dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You ate ashes out of my bong
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
