you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
