Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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