She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
