The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
