omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
