I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
