My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
