I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
