You can't special order awesome
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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