My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
