Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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