ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
