It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
