i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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