trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize